Happy New Year to Me!

So, the ruminating thoughts about having a baby started again the first of December.  I even told my mother-in-law.

(if you could now imagine the sound effect from the movie Psycho with the knife moving up and down in the shower it would be great.)

I want a baby. They are so cute. I want to see what someone with half my genes and half Tony’s looks like. I want to see what it’s like to breast feed. I want to wear cute maternity clothes and have a little belly people want to put their hands on because I’m so adorable.

Blah blah blah.

So, I got on line and googled ‘menstrual cycles’ to try to find out my most fertile days of the month. Okay, so between both of our jobs, a five year old, two dogs and a cat that crawl into our bed at all hours of the night, we managed to hit ONE of them.

Sigh.

I even made an appointment to see an OB-GYN and started taking an OTC prenatal vitamin.

It was toward the end of the month when I realized, what the hell am I doing?? I must have lost my mind. The ruminating thoughts started again.

I’m going to be a fatter pig than I am now. I don’t want a little tiny baby! My boobs are going to sag and my nipples will be ugly! I’m too tired for this! I can’t live without wine that long! My baby is going to have two heads. No. No. NO!!!

Somebody grab me a Haldol, please.

I took a pregnancy test on January 3rd. As I sat on the toilet wondering what the hell I had been thinking, I stared at the digital hourglass blinking (yes, I paid extra for the digital because I have spent many hours trying to decipher pink, from slight pink from white from blue in the past).

Not Pregnant.

I got a nice visitor the next day. Happy New Year!!!!

Bring on the booze.